A Series Of Letters I Can Never Send.

Let me just start by saying why I’ve decided to start this series. My biological mom passed away 4 years ago this month, the loss of her has turned my entire life around. Up until last month, I’ve repressed every emotion I’ve had towards thinking about her. Writing is the one thing we’ve always shared so I thought this would be good way to honor that. 🙂

Rip-Quotes-In-the-clouds-Ill-meet-you-again-R.I.P.

3/10/13

 

Nat,

I am so sorry it’s taken me so long to start this conversation with you. I don’t know where to start. I spent so many years feeling guilty for grieving. How do you grieve the woman that gave you life & hardly knew? You would think it’s easier to grieve but it still really f*cks you up.

It’s taken me a really long time to stop being mad at you for leaving  without saying goodbye. I’ll never fully understand why you left  like that. How could you just leave your three children without as much a simple letter if you knew your time was limited?  Why didn’t you want to give some type of closure?

I’m not mad anymore.I don’t hate you. That could not be further from the truth. Looking back on my childhood & the horrible things I said to you….it kills me to this day. If I knew I was being brainwashed then, I would have stopped it & I’m terribly sorry that I didn’t.

My memories of you are so far & few that I’m beginning to wonder if they are even real or just stories I’ve memorized. I want need to feel close to you again. You were my rock & my go-to for any advice that I needed. It’s been really hard without you but, you & my dad (in your own strange way) raised me to be strong, so I’m trying. I am trying to live my best life for you for when you look down from above, I want you to be proud of me.  I love you so much more than you ever knew. I can’t wait to catch you up on everything you’ve missed!

XOXO,

Evelyn

 

 

Spotlight: Raisin

Before I get into my post about Raisin, I thought I would update everyone real quick. Today was an awful day, my car started smoking and overheating and I was stranded on the side of the highway and late to work! Thankfully, my mom came in clutch and is saving my ass! I’m so lucky to have my mom. As far as my money-saving challenge goes, I’m FAILING miserably. I forgot to put it in last week and now I don’t remember where I left off & I borrowed from it so that didn’t go well, after my NYC trip I will start again. 😉 P.S. my most recent cut is healing up very well!

My possibae came up with this idea so all the credit goes to her for this blog post!

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As you may have noticed, I recently adopted a dog! Her name is Rai (raisin) and it’s been great. I began the process of looking for a dog to help with my anxiety & depression as a registered Emotional Support Animal. One night my mom was randomly sending me links to dogs at the local shelter in her town. One of them was Raisin. I applied & met her the very next day. (Funny thing is, one of her coworkers which I call my sister was interested in her too! She gave me her blessing and the go ahead) I just remember walking back to the Adoptable Dogs and as I’m looking through the window, I saw her. Her kennel was right in front of the door. My heart sank. I just instantly fell in love with her. I took her out & played with her aka played fetch with her tennis ball for like an hour. Sadly had to go back to my mom’s work & leave her. Couple days later, I took my mom to go meet her & I believe my mom fell in love with her too or at least she’s coming around now. My mom also came in clutch by explaining how our living situation was set up. (I told them I lived at my mom’s so they wouldn’t call my apartment. blah blah technicalities) I remember the lady saying “So do want to take her home?” meanwhile I’m like “WHAAAT?! I didn’t know my application was accepted!” and she goes “Yep! Do you want to adopt her?”  I told her I would think it over and come back on Monday & get her! I went through an Adoption counseling which is where they just kind of go over adopting a new dog and any questions you may have & talk about the dog’s personality. After I finished my counseling, I went up to the counter and pay for & a different lady goes “oh yeah she’s sponsored!”

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Her first Starbucks trip!

Fast forward to a couple of days later, we’ve been adjusting well. She makes me laugh,eases my anxiety while also stressing me out. It might be my anxiety talking but, she’s my first dog and she’s dog reactive. I knew that when adopting her too but I didn’t care. I still don’t care. It’s just stressing and makes me more anxious. I have to be on edge with her outside all the time. With anxiety, I’m already always in a state of being on edge. I have to be on watch if there’s another dog, small animal, birds, etc. We’re working on it while it’s a challenge, she’s a smart girl & it will bring us closer. I will be the first to admit that having a dog reactive 60 pound dog is hard. I do not regret adopting her. It just means I have to work harder with her which is fine for me because I’m in it for the long haul.

 

 

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As for now, you can find me throwing her tennis balls, trying to move her out of my space in bed or texting previously mentioned possibae. ✌🏽

 

 

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Rainy Days(Update & free playlist!)

Good morning! It seems we got that fall weather we’ve been begging for at least here in the MidWest. YAY!  Things here are good. If you follow me on any social media, you’ll see that I got a dog!!! Her name is Rai and she’s a Pitbull/Lab Mix.   I have been exploring my sexuality more which has actually gone really well so far, I just wanted to stop hiding that side of me. It sucks that it took like 7 years. Parents, please! If your child comes out to you, DO NOT tell them it’s a phase & you don’t want that for them. *ahem* I also forgot to put money in last pay day for my Money Saving Challenge. I think I’m going to print off a picture of the weeks and $ amount so I can check them off as I go.

As far as Being Evelyn goes, so far so good! My trip to NY is coming up soon, I got my dog, I have a couple crushes, the weather has been icky which makes me happy, The Red Sox are killing it. No complaints for now.

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Isn’t she so cute?

Here’s my rainy day playlist that I made. :

http://8tracks.com/evelyn-pender18/rainy-day-vibes

Currently Reading: Throne Of Glass & The House On Mango Street

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Pen Pal: A How To Guide

Tonight I’m talking about something very near & dear to my heart and that is Pen Pals! (mail in general really)  I’m going to cover the do’s & do nots, how to write on a budget, essentials that you should have on hand.

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Do’s & Don’ts:

  •  Do: Make Your Letters personal and different for each pen pal: play on their favorite things. EX-Court loves yellow so I send her letters in a yellow envelope with her favorite emoji stickers. Make sure you’re not writing the same generic letter to every one.

 

  • Do: TRY to reply as promptly as you can. I always reply the day I get the letter & send them out the next mail day. I understand life happens & you get behind. You want to keep your pen pals happy & staying regular with your letters helps.

 

  • DO NOT:  No short letters. There’s nothing worse then getting a short & boring letter. 3-4 pages max. They don’t have to be long every time either. I literally got a letter one time after not hearing from them for a few weeks, that said on 1 page ” I GOT YOUR LETTER!!!” and signed from them…. Well obviously you did… just a waste of supplies and postage. Don’t be like that.

 

  • Do: Add little tuck ins- a few stickers, a bag of tea( I love getting and sending these!), postcard, a coloring page. Just little surprises you think your pen pal might enjoy.
  • Mail Tag: One of my pen pals always does this & I love it! It’s basically a short list of things to send in your next letter. Example below! For examples, simply Google “Mail Tag Ideas”
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    Not my photo! 😦

     

I think those are my biggest pet peeves there. Now, let’s get into How To Pen Pal on a budget!

 

Pen Paling is really not that expensive even if you have multiple pen pals. My favorite places to buy supplies are: Dollar Tree( great for plain envelopes, packing supplies and gel pens), Target (Dollar Section only), Michaels(GREAT for pretty paper and matching envelopes), Five Below( Great for organizing items).

Today, I went to Target! Remember when I said, Dollar section only! Not just because they’re cheap but, that’s where you’re going to find the best and cutest items IMO.

I just kind of went for the essentials which are:

  1. Stickers
  2. Note Cards
  3. Envelopes
  4. Paper
  5. Pens/markers
  6. Sticky Notes
  7. Address Labels
  8. A Place to keep all your items
  9. Bubble Mailers
  10. A book of stamps (The planets ones are to die for)

 

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Look at all the cute Halloween Stuff!

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Here’s what I got today! (Not pictured a pack of washi tape) I already have the rest of things @ home.

 

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These are the bubble mailers I was talking about. They’re great for when you want to send a mini care package. I use them a lot so stock up & grab a few. (Not in the dollar section!)

 

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Found this cute storage box that you can customize! Keep all your supplies in one place so it’s easier the you reply.

Since I’m talking How To’s, lastly make sure you address your letter properly. Pretty simple.

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Last but not least, have fun!! If you’re uncomfortable you can also get a PO Box, I’ve done that before. Just get the smaller box(it’s cheapest).

My pen pals are very close to my heart. I’ve even met one of them over the summer! Pictured below:tumblr_od7of9f3lo1qb33n6o1_500

 

If you’re interested in beginning the pen pal journey, I signed up for all of my pen pals through The Place For Pen Pals Tumblr. They’re very helpful & everyone I’ve met through there is really cool. http://theplaceforpenpals.tumblr.com You can also check out https://penship.tumblr.com -I personally have never met anyone from there yet but, it’s a good one.

I hope my personal tips have helped you! It’s something that greatly enjoy and think it’s a slept on form of communication. Nothing makes me happier than seeing letters in my mailbox from my friends! Happy mailing!!

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I lost myself in loving you.

Being Evelyn

An Un-Love Letter:

Dear J,

I’m sure I sound 39 different kinds of crazy but, that’s what love does to you, especially when you’re the one that cares more. Then you’re on a whole other level of crazy, but I’m okay with it. Being put on read (..delivered since you can’t even open my messages) when 3 days ago you were asking me to come visit and telling me you loved me is a punch in the gut.

I have never felt this way about someone. I wanted you so bad. Oh god, I was in it for the long haul. HELL I would have married you. No questions asked. I wanted the darkest parts of you. Everything. I would have dropped my whole life here & gone anywhere with you, if you asked.  I gave you too much power over me. This is me taking it back.

I can’t play…

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“Breakups: Bad for the heart. Good For The Economy”

If you are a teen, young adult, person, chances are you’ve been through at least one breakup. There’s also a chance you’ve been through a bad one whether you’re the dumper or the one being dumped. It sucks either way.

Think about the last time you either lost a tooth or had a sore spot in your mouth. Notice how for the first few days, you can’t stop messing with it? Now after a week or so, you stop messing it with constantly & when you do it starts to go away? That’s how a breakup kinda works too.

In this post I will go over my tips on dealing with it & how to be okay.

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How To Begin The Healing Process:

Allow yourself some time to grieve. Spend a day or two just watching sappy rom-coms, listening to sad songs, eating crappy foods, crying, etc.  Then after those couple days, that’s when you slowly pick yourself up, dry your tears & put down the box of Golden Oreos.

Exercise! Just make sure you don’t over do it. Never underestimate the effects a good cardio or weightlifting can do on the mind and obviously body.  Not only will you feel good but you’ll look good too.  Turn on some feel good jams & dance in your bedroom while getting ready for work. (one of my favorites)

Change Up Your Look: This doesn’t have to be permanent but, play around with your makeup, cut your hair (you prob need a trim anyway), Curl your hair, try that new eyeshadow you’ve been dying to get your hands on. Buy new makeup. Buy some new clothes that make you feel HOT.

Surround Yourself With (Self)Love: Make more of an effort to meet up with your girlfriends (You’ve prob blown them off since you’ve had an SO), call up an old friend,  Have lunch with your grandparents, take yourself to see a play. Get some Starbucks on your way to work. Put on a sheet mask & glow the f up. 🙂

DO NOT STALK THEM ON SOCIAL MEDIA!!!!:  If you take one tip from this post let it be this one! My friend Jess swears by this. As a matter of fact, DELETE them. That way you’re not tempted to creep and that way they can’t try to hit you up or see you.  Don’t allow them the opportunity to haunt you like that. Just an all around nope. Don’t creep on them after you delete them either. (I’m guilty of this)

Now these are just a few of my favorite tips on how I personally deal with breakups, we all have our own methods. It’s important to allow yourself time to get over it. Don’t rush your process. Trust me when I say, you WILL be okay soon enough. It may not seem like it now, but you will be. ❤  I mean sure, you might still think about them from time to time, but the thoughts will be further & further apart. Remember, nostalgia is a filthy liar. There’s a reason you guys broke up.So remember those reasons. ❤

I hope these helped! If you have your own tips, I would love to hear them as well. I’m working on a breakup playlist & then a feel good one as well so check back for those. 🙂

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52 Week Money Saving-*Update*

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Good Morning! As you know, I have started participating in the 52 Week Money Saving Challenge. The challenge is where you put in an X amount of dollars depending on what week it is (ex: week 13- you deposit $13). Lucky for me, I get paid weekly so when I repost my check, I take out money for my challenge. So Friday is my payday so on Fridays I also deposit into my savings.

How It’s Going:

Currently, It’s going fairly well but then again it’s only going on the third week. Check back with me in the 25th week haha! My favorite thing about this challenge is, any. one. can. do it. It’s fool proof. Easy & doable. Yes please!

 

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